I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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