Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize