Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
