Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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