i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
sex in a hospital.. check
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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