As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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