Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize