the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I smell stomach acid.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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