Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
