Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
