I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I deserve this hangover.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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