Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
