if i can run in heels then i can drive
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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