and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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