Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
