Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
