i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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