im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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