oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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