so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize