I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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