help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize