I seem to have left my pride at pride
you have to choose: penises or morals?
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
