My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
