Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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