girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I party with great urgency now.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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