is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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