tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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