Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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