While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
