Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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