Taylor Swift is so right about you.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize