I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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