I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
