So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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