Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize