I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
