I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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