Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
