The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Text me some of your sweat
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize