It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize