god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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