Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
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