What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
