apparently the secret to your success is patron
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
