I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
