my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
