Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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