you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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