You smell like a Billy Joel song
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
