I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
