Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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