Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
