Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
