i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
