Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
