It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
