I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
