Small penises have feelings too.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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