U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Randomize
