where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
