So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
