btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
