If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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