My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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