i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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