I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
